There are five short funny jokes.
1- Kids Say It All
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.
Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said”
Bobby, when I was a child I was told if that if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that”.
Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms. Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned.”
A lady noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.
Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, “I don’t think that’s going to help.”
“Sure it will.” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
3- Life Flashing Before My Eyes
Pete: “The last time I was out hunting, I stepped off a high cliff, and would you believe it, while I was falling every fool deed I’d ever done came into my mind.”
Bob: “Must have been a pretty high mountain you fell from.”
Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, “What a beautiful night, look at the moon.”
The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend. “You are wrong, that’s not the moon, that’s the sun.”
Both started arguing for a while when they come upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him.
“Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that’s shining. Is it the moon or the sun?”
The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, “Sorry, I don’t live around here.”
5- Distance From The Accident
A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The judge asked him how far away he was from the accident.
The carpenter replied “twenty seven feet, six and one half inches”.
“What? How come you are so sure of that distance?”, asked the judge.
“Well, I knew some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!” replied the carpenter.